Think Big, Live Tiny - Part 2

Living my life backwards (cont.)

The majority of people who want more than a conventional life, often start out by experimenting with different lifestyle choices shortly after leaving school. They run off to join the army, join a commune, join the circus, or do some woofing in faraway, off-the-grid, places. If they can afford it, they hike and backpack across Europe for a year.

When I was 18, my best friend Lorelie, who was supposed to be the maid of honor in my upcoming wedding, called one day to say she was running off with her new boyfriend to Washington state, on the other side of the country. He was so new I’d barely heard of him. They were going to get married in a couple of weeks, then go to live on his Arabian horse farm. What? I was the one who loved horses, to my knowledge she’d never even thrown her leg over one. Not fair! And besides, I had already picked out the brightly colored, shiny dresses for my attendants. My other bridesmaids were busy justifying the cost of these. Convincing themselves they’d be able to wear them again in some imaginary future, filled with events you could wear ugly satin dresses to. How dare Lorelie run off and live my dream, leaving me drowning in invitations and flower arrangements.

I have noticed though, that when these risk-takers have exhausted their spirit of adventure, they often settle down; that dreaded phrase. Their parents nagging about taking responsibility, finally finds fertile ground after their adventures start to lose their bloom. The initial excitement of a life completely different from the one they’ve known, can become fraught with its own set of problems. They eagerly turn away from their misadventures and settle into a safer-feeling life. They get married, have kids, get a nine-to-five job and buy a house with a picket fence, then hope to live happily ever after.

Lorelie, went through two husbands before she settled down. Her horse rancher turned out to be a womanizer, as did her second husband, the guru of a New Age spiritual organization. She had well and truly sown her wild oats. The guru left her so traumatized that she chose more traditionally for her third husband and went with a lawyer, with whom she finally had her daughter. She went back to school and got her bachelor’s degree, then got a good job with a big company. She finally left the lawyer, but she still works at the big company – not wanting to leave now because of all the benefits she’d lose and a big mortgage she’s still beholden to. Her bold moves early on had stripped her of her adventurous spirit and left her playing it safe.

I did all of this backwards.
I got married at 19, then proceeded to settle down before the tan from my honeymoon faded. By the time I was 27, I had the whole American Dream all sewn up. A husband, two kids, a house with a chain link fence – white picket had gone out of style in the 70’s – and a nine-to-five job.

Then, it all started to unravel – in a big way. I began to have the unsettling thought that there had to be more to life.

I hear the birds singing and look out the window at the visual cacophony of green. Trees, shrubs, grass, and weeds in an untamed, park-like setting. As the sun begins its journey over the mountain, the pale blue sky is populated with small white clouds whose undersides are the color of strawberry cotton candy. I grab my coffee cup and walk outside onto the lanai again to welcome the sunrise. The morning colors will not last long and are worth a few minutes of reverence. The absence of all but natural sounds is my morning symphony. While I may be getting tired of 12 years without a flushing toilet, I can’t imagine living somewhere with close neighbors. I often walk outside, naked, onto my lanai, such is the privacy I find myself surrounded by.

I pour a second cup of coffee and resume the reverie of my backwards life. I moved to Hawai’i shortly after turning 40 and changed careers drastically when I became a massage therapist. When I was 63 I walked 500 miles across Spain with a backpack. And now, here I am, living in a Tiny Home, off the grid. And there it is; living a life backwards.