Camino 2024 - Day 12 - Santo Domingo

The day got off to a whimsical start (see the heads of two deer popping up in the wheat field?)

“How long have you been married?” I typed into Google translate at breakfast. Of all the questions I could’ve asked this lovely French couple I met last night, this one felt somewhat random at the time.

“49 years. (Then she added, with a little sniff) People get divorced for any reason these days”

With two divorces in my back pocket, I had to smooth my hackles down and brush aside the whiff of judgment in her answer. But I took the exchange with me on the trail this morning.

Ooph!

I started off looking at my own two marriages? Asking myself, what could I have done differently? Were they worth saving? How different would my life have been had I stayed in either one of them? How much was me, how much was them, and how much was, ‘everything is perfect’?

Lots of time for contemplation

It would be easy to go down the road of self-blame and shame, especially after her unsolicited comment. Did I do enough? Did I give up too easy? But I came to the conclusion, that there are many ways for our souls to grow in life. One thing I acknowledged this morning, is that one potential path to spiritual growth is through the trials and tribulations of a satisfying, committed relationship.

At the end of the day, I think we all want love. Ultimately, I suppose it is about self-love, and that can be reflected back to us through the eyes and actions of another, partner or otherwise.

Unfortunately, helpful people in our life will also share with us why we shouldn’t love ourselves, all the ways that we are not good enough. Although we can also be our own, worst enemy, after all in a life well-lived we have all made mistakes.

Ultimately, it is up to us what to do with that information. Do we use it for growth? Do we use it to create guilt? Do we use it to create anger, blame and shame? Or can we forgive ourselves?

I had been walking very slowly with all these thoughts rolling around in my head. I was wishing for a place to sit as I knew I was getting close to Santo Domingo, and I wasn’t ready to be there yet. And this little park showed up out of nowhere.

I sat on this picnic table, looking at the view ahead, then closed my eyes, and started to meditate. After about 15 minutes, I opened my eyes to find a lovely young man, standing and looking at me. He said I looked like an interesting person and would love to chat. He had just graduated from University, and was a very interesting person himself. He ended up telling me this Greek, myth that was about love. I felt this huge rush of energy go through my body, and I burst into tears. I’m not sure what it was about, and I was a little embarrassed. But he didn’t seem to feel awkward at all, and just sat with me. Camino angels come in all forms.

After he left, I stayed for another half an hour thinking about our exchange and my strange reaction. Then walked into Santo Domingo to a special treat I was giving myself tonight. I am staying at a Parador, a lovely four star hotel right next to the cathedral.

This is where I sit writing this blog.

I concluded that giving myself permission to walk the Camino was an act of self love.

Oh, and churros… Churros are also an act of self-love